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COPING WITH HOLIDAY STRESS
by Paula R. Schild, Ph. D.
The holidays
are just around the corner and are supposed to be filled with joy,
cheer, parties, and family gatherings–so why do I feel so stressed out
and/or depressed? For many of us, the holidays represent not only
the good things listed above, but loneliness, self-criticism for past
“failures” and anxiety about the future, in other words, “the holiday
blues.” Both types of feelings are “normal” but I’d like to
discuss “the holiday blues” since it gets such scant attention.
Many things contribute to “the holiday blues” including:
- stress
- fatigue
- unrealistic
expectations
- over-commercialization
- financial
constraints
- the
inability to be with your family and friends because of past
difficulties
If these don’t get you down, you may develop other symptoms such as
headaches, excessive drinking, overeating, or trouble sleeping.
Particularly as mothers, we want to make the holidays special for our
family and friends, but what can we do to ensure that we don’t stress
ourselves out in the process?
Keep your expectations for the holidays realistic. Pick one or
two events that you really want to do and that will have some meaning
for your family. But don’t focus all your energy on just one
day. Remember this is a season of holiday sentiment and can be
spread out over time. This will help reduce your stress and
increase everyone’s enjoyment.
Having the holiday spirit does not have to cost a lot. There are
a lot of free activities like driving or walking around to look at
holiday decorations, window shopping without buying anything, making a
snow man or angel with your kids, baking holiday treats with the
family, or low cost classes you can do with family and friends such as
candle or soap-making. Remember, time spent with your loved ones
means more than what you buy them.
Help your family develop the true meaning of the holidays by
volunteering or giving to others in need. This will not only
teach kids the real meaning of giving (which for me is about time, not
money, spent) but you will be doing something to help others.
There is a wonderful program called Project Self-Sufficiency which
coordinates an Annual Holiday Gift Sponsor where your family gets
paired with a low-income family (typically single parents) to buy them
gifts on their holiday wish lists. My family has done this for
several years now and it is something nice that your family can do
together (buying and wrapping gifts) and that the family really
appreciates (many times they ask for everyday essentials like
clothing). Or if you don’t like the idea of reinforcing the
commercialization of the holidays, local food banks always need food.
Take care of yourself. If your “tank” is on empty because you are
so stressed out by running around trying to create the “perfect”
holidays, you will have nothing to give your family and friends.
Exercise, eat as healthfully as you can, set aside quiet time for
yourself to meditate, read, or something else that recharges your
spirit.
Remember that just because it’s the holiday season, doesn’t mean that
you can’t feel sad or lonely. If you do, respect these feelings
and find out what would help you feel better–talking to friends or a
counselor if need be.
Finally, if the holidays are stressful for a lot of people, even more
get the “post-holiday blues” after January 1st. That will be the
subject of my next column.
A Special Note to Stepmoms: The complexity of stepfamily life. makes
coping with holiday stress even more challenging, particularly with
coordinating everyone’s schedules. It’s especially important to
keep your expectations realistic for the holidays. Try sitting
down with your stepfamily to figure out how to make the holidays
special for as many family members as possible. Kids are going to
want to keep the traditions they grew up with, which isn’t always
possible, so ask them for ideas of how to combine several different
traditions or come up with new ones.
Paula Schild
is a licensed psychotherapist in Boulder, a mother, and a Moxie Mom
partner.
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